Up to date and matters of the heart

I had another follow up scan at the end of May  and while Horace still sleeps soundly, the bastard has let his progeny loose. I have two metasteses high in my right lung, and another one high in my left. I started a second line oral chemo treatment (Tarcevan) on 1st June, and that is where matters rest at the moment.

I mentioned in the first part of my blog that there were tears, laughter, and a lot of love, and I need to expand on that. I do not want to sound brave or noble, but from the start, my whole concern has been for Tina, my wonderful wife. You see, I don't fear death (although this may yet change), I don't have religion in the afterlife sense, but I am a tad curious. Of course I don't WANT to die, and I will fight all the way.

But let's look on the positives - yes there are some! Firstly, you do appreciate things more; walking the dogs in the park; watching spring finally arrive; sitting in the sun enjoying a drink; waking each morning and seeing Tina lying next to me. Then of course, it forces a re-evaluation of all your values. Your priorities change. I find myself calmer, more forgiving. Even bad drivers don't upset me........ well not so much anyway!

Tina is my rock, and she deserves a whole blog to herself. Because this is such a slow, insidious disease we have had a lot of time to just be together and talk, and how we've talked. From deep rather sad conversations to chattering away and spouting rubbish, we have covered everything. She has however put her foot down, and will not let me go and haggle with funeral directors over the cost of the funeral! It is a joy to me that I have had time to tell her just how much she means to me and how much I love her. Words are inadequate............

I have reconciled with my daughter, Sarah, after 12 years and this is truly wonderful. We see each other every week, and I'm so proud of the wonderful, capable lady she's become. I hope to go to the Isle of Man in a month or so to see my son, Jason and his young lady Katie, something I am very much looking forward to. One slight disappointment is that I have been advised not to fly, so we cannot go abroad. So we are having a break in a fortnight in sunny Morecambe, which I know we will enjoy.

If you've taken the trouble to read this and my previous entry, I hope it hasn't bored you. It's been quite cathartic for me, and in a strange sort of way I've enjoyed doing it. I think there may be at least one more part to come.......... we'll see.